Ballbusting 101: Your Definitive Guide For Domination

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There are rules. To everything. Personally, I have 9 Rules to Life©, but the first two are really the most important. Rule #1 - Everyone's an Idiot. Rule #2 - See Rule #1. We ALL fall under those rules at some point. Some of us, and I may be speaking for myself here, more than others. But that's part of life, part of growing up, learning as you go.

When you're young, you learn the basics. What's right and what's wrong, how to share, and how to get along with others, for example. But as you get older, those lessons become harder and more difficult. Because the older you get, the more you see the world isn't black and white. It's a million shades of grey. Ballbusting is one of those shades of grey. Some people get it; others don't. So I thought I'd share some of the rules for busting someone's balls. Yes. There are rules.

For the record, if you're not familiar with the term, ballbusting (among guys) is joking with someone, messing with them, or teasing them in a good-natured way. No harm is meant, no one is serious, and it's all in good fun. Think of it as a Comedy Roast among friends. Don't quote me on this, but I'm pretty sure when it comes to male bonding, ballbusting has been around for thousands of years. But, it's something not all guys who do it or deal with it know. There are rules.

Yes. Rules. So, being a self-proclaimed expert in the fine art of busting balls, I thought I'd share said rules.

Rule #1 - Remove Your Feels

Like Tom Hanks said in "A League of Their Own," there's no crying in ballbusting! OK, he said baseball, but you get the point. No hurt feelings in a friendly round of ballbusting! For guys, pointing out our flaws to each other is something that helps us not take ourselves so seriously. If you're too sensitive to hear the truth, that's a problem. If you can't handle the truth, we're not sure you can be trusted, because you avoid the truth and use your feelings to hide.

Rule #2 - Take Your Medicine

If you dish it out, you've got to be able to take it too. As the person who initiated the ballbusting, the person you ballbusted gets the last ballbust. If you don't want the ballbusting to escalate with someone going home all butt-hurt, suck it up and be humble enough to take your medicine.

Rule #3 - It's Also A Game For Ladies

This is also a game for women. But ladies, there's one ballbust that is definitely out of bounds, and if you go for the jugular, all bets are off. No matter what he says in return, you brought it on yourself.

I don't feel like I have to say this, but I will, for clarity's sake, make reference to him having a small penis in front of his friends and/or other women. The only time this ballbust is acceptable is if he cheated on you, and it's used as revenge. It's also acceptable if the game of ballbusting gets personal, and he goes for your jugular by commenting on your weight. Especially if he initiated the ballbusting.

However, it does need to be said that if things go this far, everyone has ignored Rule #1. And that's a cardinal sin in ballbusting.

Rule #4 - No Rooster Blocking Through Ballbusting

Rule #4 is EXTREMELY important! Nobody likes a rooster block! Ballbusting is not allowed in a group of single guys being approached by a group of single women. This is a dick move! The guy who immediately starts ballbusting his friends around single women is covertly rooster-blocking. He's looking for attention from the women. He's trying to assert himself as the Alpha male by attempting to make the women laugh while exposing his competition's perceived flaws. That's not a guy you want around. Trust me when I tell you that he'll be the first to hit on your wife/girlfriend when you're not around.

Rule #5 -Moderation

Some guys do nothing but ballbust. Sure, it's fun, but if you're that guy who has nothing to say other than an overused insult, you're just announcing to the world that you have little substance. That's a guy whose friends get sick of them pretty quickly and will get invited out less and less for a pop.

Ballbusting 101 class is dismissed. Go forth and happy ballbusting!