Good Grief Blog #2: The Day After

When we were all on board and ready for my father to take off the bi pap mask, my mom told him if he could give us a sign we would be looking for it. I asked him to forgive us if we don't get it at first and he smiled with big wide eyes. He was so ready to get out of this hell, to put an end to his suffering and the indignity of it all. We didn't get the message until after a full night's sleep, after 24 plus hours awake we finally fell asleep Sunday evening and woke up about 7 hours later at about six in the morning. We shuffled from our rooms into the kitchen and my mom flipped the light which is a part of a ceiling fan. The light was dim and buzzing and we thought it was about to burn out. "What the hell?" mom said, and as she walked right underneath it."BOOP" the light went on bright as can be. We laughed hysterically.

A little while later, I came back into the kitchen and my mom told me to look behind her. A neon light over the sink that needed to be changed for the past month as it was so dim was shining brightly behind her. What the actual hell?

Later in the day we got in the car and I put it on my Brody Dalle station on iHeartRadio. Now anyone who knows me knows I love anything that Josh Homme does. There is some sort of soul connection there for me, and I'm not lying when I say that before this moment I had never in my life heard this Josh Homme song, "Cruel Cruel World;" But there it was, with only his name next to the title with lyrics and music reminiscent of Johnny Cash. My father could have written it.

We keep breathing, we keep leaning in; we keep taking it one day at a time.


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