Sunday was my only day that I didn't have to work last week. I ordered my groceries ahead just so I could soak up as much relaxation as I could. I ate a nice salad once I got home and then 30 minutes later, that pain my my gut started, and the dizziness. Geezy Creezy, a panic attack? Really? I take a Xanax, and start my breathing exercises...what set this off? Breathe in through the nose, for a count of five, hold for a count of five out loud, and breathe out through the mouth...I repeat this, first standing then bent over the couch, then I feel myself slowly go to my knees all the while trying not to panic and burying my face in my arms as the pain continues to tighten in my rib cage as my diaphragm has what I can only describe as a charlie horse. I walk slowly to the bathroom, increasingly aware that if I don't get down low I may pass out and find myself grateful to be hugging the toilet bowl and now puking my guts out because m diaphragm won't stop constricting. Once I've vomited anything and everything in my stomach, I'm still dizzy and now wondering if I'm having a heart attack so I get the big idea to take my blood pressure. I try sitting on the edge of the bed but slowly slide down to the floor where I wrestle with the arm band and hear the machine as it starts to fill up with air and I close my eyes to wait for it to finish and then...I find myself waking up on the floor completely unaware of where I am, what just happened and even what day of the week it is. Where is Tommy? What just happened? I crawl to the living room, as walking is not an option right now and call my husband at work and plead with his voicemail to come home. Now the cold sweat starts...will this end? Am I dying? And then, 30 minutes after it started, its gone. The pain, the inability to catch my breath, the dizziness is now replaced by extreme exhaustion and thirst.
This was a panic attack. I wasn't pussing out of something I needed to do, my body just decided that then was a good time to have one after holding things in all week. They are frightening, but even more so is that they don't usually travel alone. Another one is going to rear its ugly head soon, so the trick is being in a safe place when that happens. God please don't let this happen to me at the grocery store.